nedlnthred

I'm curious here.  It's occurred to me that I could get myself a more manageable life that's less intimidating and more  accessible to friends and potential mates.  So here's my survey question:

Should I sell my big 'ole house and move to Brooklyn or Queens or someplace closer in but more middle class?

I'm curious to hear your POVs on the topic.

So I have spent a useful several days.  I spent some hours today at school, copying articles and reading books for the paper on the Aesthetic influences on American suburban homes of the nineteenth-century.  I scanned images for the presentation on said topic Tuesday morning.  I tidied my house so I now know what articles I have for this and my other paper.  I bought a nifty painted Morroccan table for my living room so it will now be easier to serve guests and put down teacups and needlework.  I took a brisk walk.  I bought a much-needed digital camera to replace the one that was stolen a year ago.  I watched movies and drank bubbly with syringavulgaris on her last night (this round) being my roommie.  I got a groovy new dress which I can wear to the Easter Vigil next week.  And I cleaned some stuff. And embroidered a little.

I feel much more balanced and serene than I did Friday.  I believe I now have deadlines that I can manage.  I have been able to read and absorb information for the last week.  I have daffodils on my work table and a new man who flirts brilliantly (and whose schedule is as labyrinthine as mine, arg).  Hmm.   Ok.  I think I can survive this.

I just wish my house weren't quite so empty with roommie gone.  I'm just not meant to live alone.  I suppose that's part of why I keep myself so busy.  I just don't like coming home to an empty house.

I am delighted to be embroidering again.  Especially at projects I've been planning in my head for years now.  I had such a great time at the recent demo at school, at which shalmestere and hubby played.  Thanks for the shoutout, btw, on my kewl new hat.  I also really had a great time at Mudthaw, and felt surrounded and welcomed by friends every direction I turned.  That's a far cry from the events I have gone to in the past, when I felt like a total stranger.  Obviously the change is with me, not Mudthaw, but I like it.

Serenity: hard won, but I think I deserve a small turn.  Here, I shall savor it.  Perhaps with prosecco and a soak in the tubby wubby.  Now, if only I could get my schedule to line up with (what to call him?) Brazen Boy and get someone to clean my house regularly, I'll be all good.

You Are High Heeled Boots

You are incredibly sexy. There's no way you could hide it, so you just flaunt it. You are a naturally talented flirt. You make everyone feel fascinating and attractive. You have a wild streak. You like to have fun, and your idea of fun is pretty outrageous. You dare to be yourself and life courageously. People respect you for it.

Still writing.  Did I mention that I was tired of writing?  When do I get to be done with writing...?

Hah.  syringavulgaris said I had to post this.  And since I'm having a hard time getting into my writing groove, I shall.

I feed strays in my basement.  They can get in through a window so they have a dry place to sleep.  Fair enough.  The food dish is near my washer and dryer.  I did a ton of laundry Saturday.  As I walked by the dish, I noticed that the gray enamel on the pie plate seemed to be flaking.  I looked closer.  It wasn't enamel.  It was gray feathers.  With a few hard bird bits left and nothing else.  Nearby, there was also a dead mouse. 

Tee hee.

Heh. 

Describe me in one word - just one single word. Negative or positive.
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Stolen from Jousterbard via Danabren via PelicanGirl

Erg.  I got yet another stay of execution on this particular project last week, so now it's really time to perform.  Trouble is, my brain still isn't back.  It's still pissed from the abuse of last November and December, and refuses to settle down and focus.   I have two midterm presentations due in the next two days, plus this long-overdue paper and all I could do is sit on the sofa in a stupor today.  I've finally roused myself to work on the American furniture stuff while also preparing for the class where I'll teach that stuff, so that was studying of a sort.

What *does* my brain want to do?  We spent a very happy day yesterday where I compiled everything I know about the scrolling floral designs of English 17th C. embroidered clothes.  Ceinwen hosted a sewing day so syringavulgaris and I took a road trip down that way. briony530 and murieldechimay and Hedwegis and syringavulgaris  and I sat around all afternoon sewing or knitting and watching bad history on TV and catching up.  It was awesome.  I drew something that I've wanted for years, and only now do I feel like I know enough about it to actually sit down and plot it out.  But I have a great excuse because I'm going to be participating in a teaching demo in conjunction with the "Twixt Art & Nature" exhibition at BGC (www.bgc.bard.edu/exhibit/exhibits/Twixt_Art_Nature/press_release.html) at the end of March, and they want us to be working on stuff similar to the pieces in the show. 

Oh, right.  What did I draw?  I plotted the tracing artwork for a coif that I'm going to do in whitework, similar, but not as rigidly formal in layout to the whitework coif in the exhibition.  Sorry, but there's no image online of that piece.  You'll just have to lay your paws on the book.  Speaking of which, let me know if you want a copy, because I get a sizeable discount.  Hee!  My professor for this class was all amazed that the first printing of the book has sold out already. I *told* them that we were a huge market...!

I also seem to want to sit in front of my fireplace reading and napping all tucked in with sleepy kitties.  That's been happening a lot.

Maybe it's just that I'm afraid of modernism because I don't feel like I know anything about it.  I'm not having trouble reading any of the 19th C. literature on home decoration styles.  I dunno.  I just know I have to produce this darn paper soon (like tomorrow) or really mess up my school career.   Come on, brain, let's get into gear here!

So Valentine's Day is one of those things that the Single-Person-Who-Would-Prefer-To-Be-Attached could be said to dread.  I think I not only survived this one, but might even have created some new standards of "Doing it Better On My Own, Dammit!"

I had a moment of being rather disgusted, no, Angry at how callously, lamely, casually, and pettily that I've been treated over the last few years of dating.  Actually, it was more like a day and a half of funk.  Then I reframed: why wait around and feel like the victim.  So I went to Whole Foods and bought myself a dozen roses for my desk at work.  I got compliments on them at work all week and I felt like I ran my own life again.  And I planned a cool outing.  My favorite women and I planned to go shoe shopping.  Turns out I'm famous for my fabulous, varied and novel shoe collection.  I'm not sure that's exactly what I wanted to be famous for, but it's nice to have a style of some kind.
syringavulgaris and I took my dear friend  and fellow-style-maven from work, Miz Connie, shoe shopping at the giant outlets in the 'burbs.  We did some economic stimulus, had a fine lunch and did some serious shopping.  Besides, there's that thing that happens in February where the closet seems like all the ugly dead clothes you can't stand.  Did some sprucing up in that department, too.  Just enough to feel a bit pre-spring fresh til I can actually get spring clothes out of my closet.  And some fab vintage-y looking shoes.  Stockpile them while they're in fashion so I have great shoes to wear with the vingage-y suits I've been craving lately.  Sewing, yeah, there will be time in May...(It could happen!)

Then I took a chick friend to dinner.  Also good.  And me and the house mate each bought each other decadent treats: cheese, good wine, favorite chocolates, roast beast and flowers.  So we lounged and read in front of the fire this afternoon, complete with lap cats.  Cosy and companionable.  Not lonesome, not sorry for ourselves.  Quite successful!

So today I laid in bed til noon reading "The Difference Engine".  Plausible enough version of 1855, I suppose.  But there's something so coldly technical in William Gibson's writing style that I can never quite get engrossed.  The same story written, by, say, Connie Willis, would *feel* more chaotic (lots of what I read today were about the riots that might have happened in smog-laden London) (or might be imminent in China?)  and somehow be warmer and more engaging.

Anyway, the POINT was that I humored myself by reading in bed, Fiction! which I haven't allowed myself to do for months, probably.  Then I got up and began packing up Christmas ornaments and taking the tree down.  A job I loathe, partly because I love Christmas and it's hard to put it away, and partly because when I clean I have to be obsessive (which is why I do it less than I ought) and those damn needles get everywhere.  I've just put the parts of the downstairs I can (rugs still to be washed) back together and am feeling accomplishment. Yay, I can have company over without feeling self-conscious.

I packed up some Valentine's gifts for my folks, and wrote Valentines to friends and family.  I ordered myself new underwear and some fun clearance patterns.  All to humor my poor, exhausted brain.  The reading/writing hasn't come back yet, even though I have a long overdue paper to produce and I'm not sure what to do.  I'm trying to rest, blow off steam, be fabulous (went to Employees Only Friday with lunchboy and syringavulgaris ), play with colors, allow myself to research medieval clothing, all the things that *feel* like play.  And should be enough to humor those parts of myself that have felt starved by my schedule and demands.  Still nothing.  This is bad.  My prof is going to expect something so devastatingly brilliant, and even when I turn this paper in, it ain't going to be that.  But all I want to do is yarn shop or work on my house.  Maybe make curtains (which is something I really don't want to do when there is any better option.)  Bah.  I guess I try and read a little and go back to my novel.  

ZOMG.  I love being in school and having my brain pulled at, but I don't know how I'm going to get through an actual dissertation.

I think I broke it.  I don't seem to be able to absorb information by reading anymore.  I've just used up my turnaround for reading, processing and spitting it out in type.  Gettting through the semester should be great fun in this state!!

Help.

So I find myself home on this chilly Saturday evening.  But that means I can listen to my favorite radio program in the world: Vin Scelsa's Idiot's Delight on WFUV.  Real, album-oriented rock/folk/punk/everything radio.  Love this man.

This is how he starts every show.  I actually sometimes tune in just to hear the intro:

There are three essential commandments:

Respect the elders.
Embrace the new.
Encourage the Impractical and improbable without bias.

-David Fricke

That about sums it up, I think.

So tonight, after two weeks of being ill, I am restless.  I am not, not, I repeat Not doing homework on a Friday night.  Instead, my beloved housemate and I will head out into the balmy night (it's 45 out there!  Woot!) and try and find live music worth sitting still for.  Unfortunately, the great place in West Orange doesn't have the band I liked anymore.  Darn.  But really, I only ran over there two or three times, so it wouldn't have been worth their while to keep them on My account.

But surely there must be some adventures we can have locally that involve other people and music and beer and light.  Bored with my life (outside of school) I am!

From Hlinspjalda...
1. Post this list to your LJ.
2. Add three SCA-related things to the bottom that you've done.
3. Bold everything in the list that you've done.
4. Tag people, if you're so inclined [I'm not], and watch the list grow [I have been].


( SCA life memage for your entertainment... )

Did I mention that I love this game?  And just wish I had more time to play it, (sigh)

Hey, I have a question for all those folks on my list out there:

What kind of music makes you want to dance?  Not stately pavannes, but loose in your skin, joyful movement all over the place?


 

What is your reaction when someone says to you, "We need to talk."

My first thought is always, "Oh, shit, am I in for it now!  What did I do wrong?"

Oh,  right.  This is supposed to be a forum where one POSTS and not just reads...!  Which means I could tell you all the absolutely uninteresting facts that I have wasted all Sunday morning finishing the newest Laurie King novel, "The Art of Detection".  Although I'm so behind that it's probably not the newest anymore, huh.  But I think she writes Sherlock Holmes at least as well as Conan Doyle did.

Or that I've wasted several hours Sunday afternoon scanning friends to link to my new Facebook profile.  Scary stuff.  Once again, I am a slacker in the technological world around us.  But I did find my first real love.  One of the most interesting men I have ever met, in fact.  And it's awesome to be back in touch with him.  Weird, though, to see pictures of what he looked like when I loved him.  You know, I've been dating for 30 years this spring.  Minus, of course, that ten year span in the middle where I was (monogamously) married, but still.  That's some dating chops.

And I keep having nice conversations with the Important Boy who I'm not dating.  So whatever!  It ends up being the most intimate relationship I'm having with a man, FWIW.  (Boys are so strange.)

School started today.  Am I ready?  Heck, no!  I'm sick as a dog because I was up coughing instead of sleeping last night.  But the course does seem cool, and Highly Relevant to the one I'm teaching.  With some clever syllabus juggling, I can manage to teach the stuff about American furniture and silver after I've actually learned something about it.  Go, me.

So I got my first B in this round of grad school.  I am concerned for my stipend, but hoping they will take into account that last semester I also went abroad to a conference, taught a new graduate class of my own, and wrote 5 encyclopedia articles.   Did I mention that I was tired?  Anyone want to take me out for a cocktail?  The answer will undoubtedly be "YES!"

And now, to bed with my tired self.

I have done that thing your mom used to tell you about: wherein if you don't take care of yourself when you are sick, you will get sicker and be sicker longer.  Oh joy.

So I am now home, complete with dry hacking cough of doom.  But syringavulgaris

 has made us a fire in the fireplace and we have settled into our two sofas, where reading, lounging, listening to music, and reading occureth.  It seems a mighty fine way to "endure" a snowstorm (Bah!  You wimps don't know what a real snowstorm is!).

But today's errands were fairly mindless.  Two more cats to the spay clinic, yay.  Multiple family phonecalls, just 'cause.  And then a trip to Newark, to hang out a bit in the artsy district and pick up stuff I had framed.  And drop off more to be framed.  I feel it my civic duty to  spend money in places that need a bit of support, and this framing store has a nifty cafe in it now.  So I took them a few things.  One is the large format poster of Navajo dye techniques that my friend FunHippy gave me a few years back.  The other was a picture of the Catonsville 5, on the theory that my brother would like a picture of his crew as a 40th birthday gift.  Because I had no other good ideas.  And besides, I already gave him a case of wine for Christmas.  Cause I was in a hurry between papers, and that gave me an excuse to go wine tasting at my favorite wine place in Montclair.

I rambleth.  You get the idea.  There was a nap, there are cats.  BFF is making mulled wine and roast lamb.  All is well.  Except me, but I'm working on that, too.

 

For those of you who wondered what happened to me, here is a brief report (before I stop stalling and go back to work on the last paper.  Well, last one for December, anyway, and that is good enough.)

I just finished three major article entries for the new Oxford (as in "University Press") Dictionary of Art online.  Actually, that's not quite true.  I finished five entries.  But the last three were major introductory ones that I was asked to do because I know stuff.  So this week, I produced about 8000 words for those.  I had to edit them down, but I have been producing on overdrive for months.  Because that's been in between reading for the two courses I took, reading for the new course (History of Western Textiles) I taught, and grading exams for said course.  Augh.  I am so desperately tired.

Back to the grindstone:  Still have to write an essay to make up for a prof for going to Italy instead of his class, write a final paper for said class, and write one more article (on tailoring, for which the reading has been most fun.)

Over Christmas I have to grade the last batch of essay exams.  I swear, the next exams I give will be connect the dots!  Then I have a glossary to write, then I have a paper for the incomplete I took in my second class to get time to write the articles.  Augh.  I swear no new projects this spring.  Nothing that isn't sewing for myself or the house.  I mean it.  Long, lingering Pennsic with lots of lying around.  Some beach time.  No Running Around.  You all can yell at me if I plan something too ambitious.

Hey, did any of you-all get the new Patterns of Fashion book yet?  Ain't it gorgeous?  Oh, and the 'Twixt Art & Nature': English Embroidery in the Collection of the Metropolitan Museum of Art"is out too!  I can't wait to flip through that some more, too.  The exhibition is gorgeous, too, but not enough clothing.  Well, duh.

Back to my regularly scheduled avoidance behavior.

All righty then.  This is me, getting on with my life.  For those of you who I didn't update, I had been seeing someone and now I'm not.  Crazy about him, but it took some major rearrangement to get him into my life, and heartbreak has also brought relief.  And after all this time post-viscount, I have begun to look at me as just me as the comfortable (if lonesome) default.  I'm a tiny bit glad to be back to having no one to inform of my decisions.  Or consult. 

So what I want to know is, where is the sex going to come from, eh?  Something Must Be Done.

Also, I want it out there that it is not ok with me for the world to no longer have Morguhn in it.  I've been too busy with my course setup to write here how that's felt, but I will.  Just.  Not.  O.K.

elibalin is right.  This year owes everyone an apology.  Starting with the Ladies.

Things I am tired of:

*Being sick
I have been sick every two or three weeks all summer long.  I know I was tired, but GEEZ!
*Cats dying
Fred was the most recent, but I'm the one who took him in from the yard 3 years ago
My mom's cat Grania, who I rescued as a kitten in Queens 14 years ago
My mom's cat Smidgeon, who is MIA from my house (where could she have gone?)
Rollo, my foster kitten.  Poor little sick guy.
*Meeting nice men who aren't ready to date again, really
(I've been hanging out with two really nice, interesting men who's exes are nutjobs and they're still very much processing.  When does it get to be my turn to be front and center again?  It's been a while.)
*Not having the energy or organizational clarity to get my class prepped
I'm still trying to absorb the History of Western Textiles in order to teach it.  Wake up, brain, I need you again!
*Falling for guys who have a giant catch
(Shit!  My foolish heart has done it again.  I'm in love with someone who started out as a fling, but who makes my heart soar every time he says something silly.  Which he does often.  The good news is that he likes me a lot, too.  He's even coming down to the shore with me this weekend to meet my family.  The bad news?  He lives in Virginia as a stay-at-home-dad and his ex makes him miserable for the privilege.  Not An Easy Choice.  But he had Hello Kitty sheets and the waffle iron?  How was I supposed to resist them?)
*Unclear job description
Now that my job has been given to the new librarian, can someone at work please tell me what I'm supposed to be doing?  Besides answering the workflow questions posed by my former staff?  Sigh.

Welcome to the new semester.  I am scrambling to get my safety belt fastened, while still preserving a little of the illusion that it's still summer.  Having syringavulgaris here helps a lot.  She's so sane.

At least the weather has been utterly gorgeous!  I've tried to bask every chance I get.